Bersendiri

Sudah berapa lama sendiri?

Bukan bererti mereka yang tengah menjalin hubungan dengan seseorang telah membuatnya semakin dekat dengan jodoh, dah bukan bererti pula mereka yang tengah dalam kesendirian semakin jauh dengan jodohnya.

Sendiri itu bukan masalah, yang masalah itu adalah ketika kita sendiri dan kita mempermasalahkannya.

Mesmerizing

To see the process of materializing your abstract ideas into something real, where you can touch and feels it, is very very fulfilling and quenched.

Sesat?

Setiap pilihan yang kita lakukan pasti ada kebaikan dan keburukan, pro dan kontra. Ada yang terlihat, ada yang terlindung. Sangat puas bila kita membuat pilihan yang tepat, menentukan hala tuju.  Kadang kala kita rasa kita memilih jalan yang betul, tapi sebenarnya tidak. Kadang kala kita keliru, dan kita memerlukan sokongan kata dan pendapat, dari seseorang yang kita percaya. Ada masanya, apa yang kita rencana, tidak berjalan seperti yang dimahukan. Kita fikir, kita sudah bersedia segalanya, tapi sebenarnya tidak mencukupi untuk menutup apa yang telah kita rosakkan awalnya.

Kamu sedar yang kamu bekerja dikelilingi para toksik, tapi kamu memilih untuk mengindahkan, percaya bahawa itu hanyalah dilusi minda bodoh kamu. Pengakhirannya, ada menyesuaikan diri dan tanpa sedar anda juga telah mabuk dengan radiasi orang-orang ini. Kamu terlalu naif untuk percaya bahawa mereka-mereka itu orang yang baik. Separa dari mereka bertopengkan muka yang baik, kerana mereka mahu mengambil kesempatan.

Aku cuba melepaskan diri dari dirantai, dari segala perkara ini. Aku tidak punya alasan untuk tinggal, bila mana setiap hari aku disakiti. I don’t see why I should not quit. I just cant do this alone. I need someone by my side. Someone who would support me wherever I am, every time and someone who really care. Those people are my lucky charm, keeping me alive. When everything went out of control, the easiest thing to do is to leave everything behind. I dont want to do this, but I have to. I thought that I already sank at the rock bottom, and then I realised, at least I have the only person/group of people who really care about me.

Is it a good decision that Ive made, a good route? I dont know. Do you ? One thing that I am sure about it, if you dont hold any regret in your choice, thats mean you have made the right decision. And somehow, i dont know. Im lost right now.

Tomorrow

Upon the lies that have been told,
To the promise land i hold.
Tomorrow,
There will be no room where lie can live forever.
It will not be long,
Because the truth will rise again.
Despite the pain,
Maybe we are meant to be alone.

Here it goes again

It’s back.
The darkness that I once thought had faded,
as time passes by,
but they came back, stronger than ever with suffocating power.
Pushing me back to the rock bottom,
when I was already, so close, to see the light.
But, no, it’s back.
Splashing black color to the colored painting of life, covering all other colors.
It’s all dark now.
because it’s back.
For once, I thought they’re gone.
I could live happy.
they took me to the corner of my room, making me weep and think about my entire existence.
“you’re not good enough,”
“you can do nothing.” It’s back.
My insecurities.
My low self-esteem.
My self-hatred.

Life is not a race

Mereka kata hidup itu bukan perlumbaan.

Dan aku setuju. Ia bukan perlumbaan.

Tapi tidak bermaksud sebaliknya.

Masa itu relatif. Dan akan senantiasa bergerak, tidak kira kamu suka atau tidak

Dan oleh kerana itu, kita perlu dapatkan keutamaan yang betul.

Life is not a race. I don’t need to conform to the dictation of my peer’s pace.
But I can’t help it sometimes. I am still human after all.

I do get envious of others. I do get dissatisfied by where I am.

I do get lonely when I’m alone.

But even so, I’ll be the goody two shoes that I am.

I’ll bite my cheek while I prioritize others before me.

Because I believe, a good deed goes a long way,

And I’ll see the silver lining when it is time.

Hidup ini bukan perlumbaan.

Benar, sebaliknya adalah pengembaraan.

Pengembaraan yang perlu kau nikmati setiap langkahnya.

Biarlah

Ini adalah aku
yang selalu menemanimu dalam doa.

Ku pejamkan mata dan tertidur
dalam kenyamanan mencintamu dengan cara ku,
Tak perlu ada yang tahu
dan tak perlu pula
aku mengungkap ke seisi dunia.
Meski orang lain berfikir bahawa
dunia akan jadi milik berdua tika bersama,
tapi bagiku tidak.
Bagiku dengan seperti ini pun
semesta telah mendukun
 dalam kebahagiaan kita.

Aku hanya dapat beriktihar
dan usaha sebaik-baiknya.
Selebihnya,
biarlah Allah yang menetapkan
apakah kita berjodoh atau tidak.

Note to self

You didn’t find this post for nothing. 
Allah allowed you to see this for a reason. 
There are millions of blog posts out there,
but you’re reading this one right now.
I just want you to know that Allah is right there with you
and He loves you more than you will ever understand.
He knows what you’re going through.
He knows what you want. He knows what you need.
He won’t let you down so just rely on Him and trust Him.
Everything is gonna be okay,
you just have to let His plan work out.
If you’re looking for a sign or something
to give you some hope and strength,
then let this be it.
Don’t give up!

Sekali Lagi

"I will never give up on this feeling"

Ya, sejuta kali aku ucapkan didalam hati,
Ditikam dua kali,
Tapi semangat ini masih belum mati.

Mereka kata "jangan mimpi",
"Berpijaklah pada realiti",
"Cinta tidak semestinya memiliki",
"Jangan berharap sesuatu yang tak pasti",
"Pendam saja dalam hati",
Ahh, aku tidak peduli!

Apa salahnya aku cuba lagi,
Tiada apa yang aku rugi,
Biarlah kalau-kalau disakiti lagi,
"Luka boleh diubati",
Peluang cuma datang sekali.

Segenap hati, jiwa dan fikiran,
Moga-moga diiizinkan.

Bahagia

Ketika satu pintu kebahagiaan tertutup,
pintu yang lainnya dibukakan.
Tetapi seringkali kita terpaku begitu lama
pada pintu yang tertutup.
Sehingga tidak dapat melihat pintu lain
yang dibukakan untuk kita.
Kebahagiaan adalah milik mereka yang pandai untuk bersyukur.
Pandai menyukai atas apa yang kita miliki sekarang.
Sekalipun tidak memiliki apa yang kita inginkan.

Bukan bahagia yang menjadikan kita bersyukur,
melainkan bersyukurlah yang menjadikan hidup kita bahagia.

1 A.M

I put a lot of efforts,
I drop thousand hints,
I tried to be a guy u dreamed,
I did my best just for you.
Don’t you notice me?
Here I am keep tossing and turning at 2 a.m ,
Hoping that we can be like them,
Keep loving and missing.

Being Judged

I was staring out the window,
and the rain, it was falling heavily.
Seemed like everything I used to feel,
it was crumbling.

I cannot cope and it hurts inside my mind.
Surely, I couldn’t let it go.

I wondered how this had happened.

Your cheap words keep popping into my mind.
They hurt me so much.
Its very prejudiced,

But i cant put the blame on you,

Because this plea comes from me,

And they simply pass the judgement.

I dont give damn when people judge me,

But when it comes to you,

I really hate myself,

Silly, me.

Khayal khayalan

Menyeret jari
Pada peranti
Atas bawah
Kanan kiri
Setiap masa
Setiap hari
Topik sama
Tidak lari

Ekonomi gugat
Ringgit merudum
Poketnya sendat
Masih tersenyum
Tidak dihirau
Tidakkan risau
Masalah dia
Bukannya engkau

Semua dicandu
Dengan emosi
Drama sendu
Tatap di tv
Patah hati
Tulis puisi
Abai realiti
Kejar fantasi

3 A.M Thoughts

In between of two and four am
I found myself awaken again,
Cant get over your face from my head

The thought of you awakes me
The last words were said,
There is nothing going back.
I feel like the efforts useless
And waste my time.

Everytime i thought that i have move on
Suddenly the thoughts of you come back
Fill my mind

Everytime i try to move on,
You are right there ,
So i give up

Because no matter what have you been
You always been and will always
In my 3am thoughts.

Funny thing called love

Love sure is a funny thing
You whine about being single
How lonely you are
Because
You love someone who doesn’t love you back
But at the same time
You reject someone who love you to death




"Haha...Kelakar kan?" - Fattah Amin, 2017

Forget how to forget

How to forget someone?
The one that been there for you through ups and downs. The one that understood you, knew you better than yourself. Believed in you, supported every effort, gave you confidence. Easy.
At first, end all type of communication. Delete her number, delete all the conversation, call history. Don’t forget your social media. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Mute her, block, unfriend. The choices are various. Next, all her possessions with you, throw them all away. Don’t hesitate just throw it away.
Then just occupied yourself with other things. It is hard. You’ll cry every day before sleep, while taking shower, when hearing her favourite songs (accidentally) and at one point even the breeze can remind you of her, thus making you cry. She appears in your dream, either sad or happy or it’s just like the old time. Maybe sometimes you just wish you don’t wake up because when you do, you’ll end up crying more. It’s okay. Time will heal they said.
Some said the pain will just go away. Others said you just get stronger, get over it. Heck, I didn’t know. Maybe you’ll need closure. Like the one in movies or drama. Events that will make you wake up and realize that all in the past. That it’s just you the one that’s still suffering while she already forgot it all.
No matter how hard you tried, there is a piece of her within you. The memories, linger still. You can’t just delete it like deleting old unused file in the computer. She just leave a dent, that is impossible to be normal again. But that’s okay. You’ll learn to embraced it, appreciate the memories and even thanked her.
So you won’t forget her. You never will.

Smile

This smile was built on lies and illusions.
Coated with hope and fantasy. 
Unfortunately, It can’t repel reality.
It will kill me, instantly.
Its killing me inside.

Have faith

We are always in denial
We say that we are okay without someone that can text us at 3 am where all of the wildest thoughts begin
We say that we don’t need someone to calm us when we are in storm
We are so pretentious that we can live alone without everyone
but in a sorrowful night
We shed our tears silently
knowing there’s no one that we can put our shoulder to cry one
We are human
It’s our nature to be in love and to love
It’s obvious that at the end of the day
our heart & soul is needing someone
Someone that gonna be there regardless of situation & time
If you haven’t found one
have faith
Put your trust on "The One"
that time will come

Reject

We’ve all heard the stories of those being rejected,
How painful it is to give your heart to a person but it ended up being crushed.
The tears, the suffering, the thought of being not good enough for a person.

To be the one to reject someone, is it wrong? Am I evil to say no to a person I do not love? Am I cruel for rejecting a person who I think is not good for me? Do I not deserve someone who I love? That I know will live a happy life with me.

Love is weird yes I agree. We do not choose who we love. But we can’t force it either. Why accept someone when you know there is nothing there? Should I accept every confession? and end up having numerous breakups because it didn’t work out?

The rejected will always get the pity. Those who are rejected will always be the ‘good ones’
The person who rejects them? Heartless? Are they? Am I?

Everyone deserves to be loved, and being rejected is just a way of life telling you “no, not this one, I have something better”
Instead of hating a person for rejecting you, how about take it as a way for you to improve. To love yourself and those who love you back.

Love hurts. It’s just a way to know it exists.

Lost

This is one of those times when I desire nothing but silence.

Some peaceful, undisturbed silence.

This is when all of my repressed emotions I come out to play. My walls are my sanctuary and my emotions are my sole companions.

I am as vulnerable as a newborn and as unstable as a bull. Nothing and everything can make me lash out, either in anger or in tears.

And this is the time when reality leers at me with everything I have been avoiding,

I am completely and utterly lost, and there’s nothing I can do about that.